Things you can't get at Pearson International Airport

(Note: I wrote this while waiting for my delayed flight from Toronto to Halifax last night.)

A notebook
A decent, sit-down meal
The time of day
A witness
A phone number
A hell-yeah
Enough of it
Satisfaction
Three elephants on pogo sticks
Red Army Vodka
A cheap flight that leaves on time
A decent night's sleep
Ninety-nine red balloons
No respect
Peace of mind
No respect