The Most Surreal Conversation I've Had Lately

The scene: Stately Gray Manor, 6:15 AM. Lights down. A solitary figure, IAN, tosses and turns as he tries to sleep.

The phone rings.

IAN: (aside) At this time in the morning, someone better have died. (picking up the phone) Good Morning!

On the other end of the phone is BOB (note: names changed to protect the guilty), IAN's friend. He is very drunk.

BOB: Ian?

IAN: Yeah. Bob?

BOB: I stole a duck.

IAN: A duck?

BOB: Yeah, from the Public Gardens.

IAN: You stole a duck.

BOB: Yeah. We're calling him Frank.

IAN: Frank?

BOB: Yeah.

IAN: (imagining various horrible scenarios) Just don't kill it, all right?

BOB: (offended) We're not going to kill it. He's just hanging out here. Frank the Tizzank.

IAN: OK.

Pause.

BOB: We still on for today?

IAN: Yeah, I'll be over around three.

BOB: See you later, then.

IAN: Later.

IAN hangs up. (Note: Frank exists, and appears to be in good shape. "Bob" has promised to restore him to the Public Gardens.)